I have a new direction in life! It came in a glorious revelation last Saturday, as I was up early for my devotion. I sat in my room reading over Esther and flipping back to 1 Samuel, and I kept feeling the same tugging at my heart that has been present over the past week. A voice whispered, “Writing. Writing and women’s ministry.” This frightened me, because:
1.) I had never thought women’s ministry would be an interest of mine. That was the farthest issue from my mind when I thought of what I would do for the Lord.
2.) Could the great God of our universe want to give me the desires of my heart, and even better still, use that desire to do His work?
I sat on my bed with my Bible on my lap and a burning in my mind. Could God really be speaking to me, giving me my life’s direction? It was too daunting to think about.
So I prayed. “Father God,” I started, a little breathlessly, “I feel you calling me to writing and women’s ministry. I have felt this stirring in my heart over the past months, but especially during this last week. Maybe I’m too thick headed, but I’m asking for confirmation today, some sort of sign sometime during the day, that You are indeed showing me what to do. Please Lord, show me if you will work through me in these fields.”
Lifting my head, I snapped back into the moment. I continued reading about Samuel in the temple, where he heard God speak to him 3 times, and each time ran to Eli instead. Finally, on the last conversation, Eli tells him what to say when it happens again. So when God calls out to Samuel, Samuel responds, “Speak, for Your servant is listening.” And God begins to tell of the wondrous things He will do through this young boy.
I finished my devotion and turned on my music as I got ready to meet my friend Tanya for coffee. I had turned my ipod to the band Elenowen the night before, when I listened to the song “Mary” and poured my heart out to Jesus and metaphorically poured my perfume on His feet and washed them with my hair. I surrendered to Him, listening to those words of the song that announced Mary was doing exactly what He wanted. I, too, wanted to lay down and give everything to Jesus, my saving grace.
So I still had the group on shuffle when I turned on my stereo, and as I stood to put on my sweatshirt the first words of the new song came one. I stopped mid stride, arms held at a 90 degree angle with the sweatshirt resting over them, and just froze everything except my ears. I listened, and chills swept through me.
Or, perhaps more accurately, the Spirit swept through. Swarms of emotion flooded me, and each and every word coming through the speakers was God’s voice answering what I had prayed about only minutes before. When it hit the chorus, I just broke down and fell beside my bed. Tears streamed down my face as I soaked in what my Father was telling me. “Ok God,” I managed to choke out, “I hear You.” And what a rushing relief it was, such soul filling news to know that my God, the Almighty Lord of this universe and beyond, chose to speak to me, wanted to tell me the plans He has in store. It shook my core.
And then the next song came on. Want to know what song it was? The exact same one I listened to last night, when I gave myself over to Jesus. That’s when I lost it even more, if it was even possible. If the first song was God answering, then the second song was His confirmation of my calling. It’s like He was saying, “Sarah, I have given you this passion and talent- don’t let it go to waste. Use it to glorify Me.” How can I object when the Author of my life gives me the power of the pen to proclaim His goodness?
My tears flowed like a fountain as God emptied me of myself and overflowed my heart and mind with His ever present and ever inspiring Spirit. I knew what I was to do- finally, after all these months of silence and stirring and patience, I had my calling. And looking back on the moment and my reading, I WAS Samuel- God was calling out to me and I did not recognize His voice! He gave me that passage to read to truly apply it to my very own life! I couldn’t stop smiling and laughing and talking out loud to God as I finished getting ready and drove to the coffeeshop. I couldn’t wait to tell Tanya all about it.
When she arrived, I recounted to her what I just experienced.
“You’re glowing,” she surmised after I had finished. Indeed I was.
And I still am.
This marks the beginning of my transformation. My from now on. I’ve unfurled my fears before my Lord and they have dried up, replaced by a constant stream of spiritual water that flows through my veins. I am opening to see the world around me, the women around me, as God sees, and to take the pen He has given me and create concepts and calligraphy for His glory.
And so I am, in a sense, beautifully blooming.
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