Tree Stand Tirade

My roommate and I, to celebrate the last day of November and welcome in the Christmas month, decided to put up our artificial tree tonight. I had gotten it from home and didn't realize how monstrous it was until I hauled three bulky bags up the stairs. The whole thing wouldn't have been as much of a pain if we had a tree stand that worked, but the old, rusted one I brought back with me wasn't much help and the screws only tightened to so much. So I ran out to Target for a cheap, plastic stand and proceeded to get wrapping paper, ornaments, craft supplies and a gift card, but no tree stand. They were all sold out! I was happy with my other purchases, though :)

I ran over to Home Depot and walked into the store. "Where are your tree stands?" I asked the girl by the lumber. She pointed down to the entire end of the store, out the sliding doors and into the outdoor garden. After taking a few breaks to catch my breath, I made it, only to find the smallest they had was a bowl the size of a St. Bernard's water dish. But I was desperate, it was cold, and it was 8 PM so I bought it and went back home. We struggled connecting the three pieces of the tree, and about 2 of the 5 screws to hold the tree in place actually worked. At this point, I'm lying on the ground under the tree trying to steady it while my roommate held the branches to keep them from smacking into her face. Both of us are sweating, Christmas music floats through the background and through all the struggle we kept saying, "Yay, Christmas!"

In a fit of frustration, I climb out from under the tree and move to clear away the bags. One of them feels heavy, so I reach inside and pull out this metal hinged thing that looks like a high tech arrow. When I unhook the clasps and it unfolds, my roommate and I both cry out in disbelief. It's a tree stand- the perfect shape and size and easy accessibility. "Are you serious??!!" I cry. We look at each other and dissolve into laughter. It's so fitting. We struggle for two hours, screwing and unscrewing stands, stopping a crooked tree from falling over, running out to multiple stores for a giagantic stand and a fake tree attacking us both, only to find out in one swift moment what we needed for a swift, easy set-up was right under our noses.

So the tree is up, though still a tiny bit crooked. But that's how it's going to be for the night. We'll work on lights and ornaments at a date to be announched. But we have it in our corner and our apartment is starting to look like someone actually lives there. And at least we have one fun story to tell of the beginning of our first Christmas together :)

Yay, Christmas!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Just a quick Happy Thanksgiving to you all! I packed my things at lunch and made a beeline home after I got out of work early, and immediately I wrapped my arms around my sister who had just arrived home from college. She and my brother drove down this morning, and we've been counting down the days when our long weekend would arrive! Now my other brother just got home from work, so we are finally all together as a family. So wonderful. I was just musing at all the love and comfort that surrounds this home, surrounds my family. I am so eternally grateful to God for blessing me with such a supportive, loving family. We've already had much laughter, and I know this is a sign of the weekend to come. I pray you all remember the graciousness of God, all He has given us here in America and specifically in our lives, and most importantly, for His son, Jesus.

Enjoy your holiday!!!

Ask Me

This week has been trying. Ever since Sunday night, really, when I was up until midnight editing cookie pictures for Ms. Connelly's multimedia class for their project on Mom's cookies, then trying to figure out how to work one of the kid's jump drives, which would not for the life of me show up once the software was installed on my computer. Then I had to take my car in Monday morning because my heater wasn't working, but they called me and it wasn't blaring crazy sounds and was working when they tried it. I am not insane- it happens to me every time I get in my car. I told them to keep trying. It still didn't happen, so they ended up keeping it overnight to try again the next morning. Work was a pain, an absolute pain, and after I finally got home after working out and dropping off my checkbook with my dad, I realized I left both my garage door opener and my key at the car shop. Thank God Lemke had just gotten back from Nebraska and was there to let me in.

I was up late again, but for better reasons. I received some amazing gifts from my friend Debbie in Florida- beautiful photographs with calligraphy scriptures, greeting cards and uplifting verses. And I got a letter from my pen pal Lynn, which I was so excited to read. After I finished reading the letter, I just had some wonderful God time. That gave me peace to the end of the vengeance filled Monday.

But Tuesday was no better- almost worse at work, if that is possible. Crazy running around, getting home, staying up late again. But that's when God spoke to me. Again. Since Monday, I've been reading verses in Jeremiah, Zachariah and Matthew that pertain to how God wants me to ask Him for help, ask Him for dreams. I've always had trouble doing this; why should I, a lowly, sinful human, stand before the Creator Almighty and ask Him for anything? Isn't my ransom enough?

But for some reason He longs to be gracious to me. Wants to present me with presents to see my joy and heartfelt appreciation. So I asked Him on Monday night for what was in my heart. And I knew He heard me. Whether or not they are the answers I'm expecting, I do know that He will answer. I focused on His heart, answering mine.

All day yesterday I had this thought on my mind, and then the verse that says "Ask and it shall be given to you; seek and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened to you" resounded over and over. So last night I was doing my quiet time and was thinking about that verse in Matthew. I pulled out my journal and began to write, explaining how God was teaching me about asking this week. In the middle of my sentence, I glanced over at the next page and gasped, sucking in my breath so sharply I filled my lungs to capacity. There, at the bottom of the page, was Matthew 7:7-8. Exactly what had been flowing through my mind. Wow. I just love when He does that! I shouldn't be surprised with God calling to me anymore, yet each time it happens I have a trembling in my body and fill with awe struck wonder.

He is so good. So loving and personal. After seeing how He continually pursues me, how He yearns for me to know Him, how can I not take my requests to my Father, who craves no greater joy than to see His daughter rejoice?

My Wednesday is average, by human standards. Work still hounds me, I can't think past this present moment in time and I took my bitter pills this morning. But I don't have to let the day dictate my attitude. God has filled me with wonders anew; great is His faithfulness. When I discover this perspective, the day ahead looks pretty bright and bold.

Perspective

Today's a bit of a frustrating day. It started out ok- had a nice quiet time in my rental car (long story, but my car ended up staying in the shop overnight) where I listened to Andrew Peterson's Counting Stars and finished with Hillsong's Hosanna. I was in His perspective, and after I had wonderful conversation with God during a peaceful, relaxing evening to end a crazy Monday, I was ready for a new day.

Then I got to work. It's amazing how within one short hour my attitude did a complete 360. I had so many emails flooding my inbox that I KNEW I didn't want to open, so many things being passed off to me because I wouldn't say no. There's just so much going on at the office, and it is really difficult for me to keep up a cheerful attitude.

I need to keep perspective. That I'm here for a reason. Or maybe God's nudging me a bit, telling me to get ready for another chapter. I don't know. Whatever it is, I cannot keep looking at the glass half empty. It's a waste of God's gift of life; He has given me so much, and I'm focusing on the details of my job? It seems so silly. Focus. I need focus. And prayer. Lots of it.

That's really all, for now. I just had to de-clutter my thoughts and at least make another post because I'm not doing that great of a job of keeping this updated. Maybe I should just keep writing all day; it's certainly making me feel better :)

New Direction

Happy November! A whole new month, with unforeseen possibilities! It is exciting to see what God will do in the next thirty days. Already, He has been speaking to me so much.

I have a new direction in life! It came in a glorious revelation last Saturday, as I was up early for my devotion. I sat in my room reading over Esther and flipping back to 1 Samuel, and I kept feeling the same tugging at my heart that has been present over the past week. A voice whispered, “Writing. Writing and women’s ministry.” This frightened me, because:

1.) I had never thought women’s ministry would be an interest of mine. That was the farthest issue from my mind when I thought of what I would do for the Lord.
2.) Could the great God of our universe want to give me the desires of my heart, and even better still, use that desire to do His work?

I sat on my bed with my Bible on my lap and a burning in my mind. Could God really be speaking to me, giving me my life’s direction? It was too daunting to think about.

So I prayed. “Father God,” I started, a little breathlessly, “I feel you calling me to writing and women’s ministry. I have felt this stirring in my heart over the past months, but especially during this last week. Maybe I’m too thick headed, but I’m asking for confirmation today, some sort of sign sometime during the day, that You are indeed showing me what to do. Please Lord, show me if you will work through me in these fields.”

Lifting my head, I snapped back into the moment. I continued reading about Samuel in the temple, where he heard God speak to him 3 times, and each time ran to Eli instead. Finally, on the last conversation, Eli tells him what to say when it happens again. So when God calls out to Samuel, Samuel responds, “Speak, for Your servant is listening.” And God begins to tell of the wondrous things He will do through this young boy.

I finished my devotion and turned on my music as I got ready to meet my friend Tanya for coffee. I had turned my ipod to the band Elenowen the night before, when I listened to the song “Mary” and poured my heart out to Jesus and metaphorically poured my perfume on His feet and washed them with my hair. I surrendered to Him, listening to those words of the song that announced Mary was doing exactly what He wanted. I, too, wanted to lay down and give everything to Jesus, my saving grace.

So I still had the group on shuffle when I turned on my stereo, and as I stood to put on my sweatshirt the first words of the new song came one. I stopped mid stride, arms held at a 90 degree angle with the sweatshirt resting over them, and just froze everything except my ears. I listened, and chills swept through me.

Or, perhaps more accurately, the Spirit swept through. Swarms of emotion flooded me, and each and every word coming through the speakers was God’s voice answering what I had prayed about only minutes before. When it hit the chorus, I just broke down and fell beside my bed. Tears streamed down my face as I soaked in what my Father was telling me. “Ok God,” I managed to choke out, “I hear You.” And what a rushing relief it was, such soul filling news to know that my God, the Almighty Lord of this universe and beyond, chose to speak to me, wanted to tell me the plans He has in store. It shook my core.

And then the next song came on. Want to know what song it was? The exact same one I listened to last night, when I gave myself over to Jesus. That’s when I lost it even more, if it was even possible. If the first song was God answering, then the second song was His confirmation of my calling. It’s like He was saying, “Sarah, I have given you this passion and talent- don’t let it go to waste. Use it to glorify Me.” How can I object when the Author of my life gives me the power of the pen to proclaim His goodness?

My tears flowed like a fountain as God emptied me of myself and overflowed my heart and mind with His ever present and ever inspiring Spirit. I knew what I was to do- finally, after all these months of silence and stirring and patience, I had my calling. And looking back on the moment and my reading, I WAS Samuel- God was calling out to me and I did not recognize His voice! He gave me that passage to read to truly apply it to my very own life! I couldn’t stop smiling and laughing and talking out loud to God as I finished getting ready and drove to the coffeeshop. I couldn’t wait to tell Tanya all about it.

When she arrived, I recounted to her what I just experienced.
“You’re glowing,” she surmised after I had finished. Indeed I was.

And I still am.

This marks the beginning of my transformation. My from now on. I’ve unfurled my fears before my Lord and they have dried up, replaced by a constant stream of spiritual water that flows through my veins. I am opening to see the world around me, the women around me, as God sees, and to take the pen He has given me and create concepts and calligraphy for His glory.
And so I am, in a sense, beautifully blooming.