In Awe

I'm just kind of in awe today. I can't really put into words except that I'm humbled and in awe by what God is doing in my life, what He has given me today.

First, I find out that I'm at top 30 finalist in the WestBow Press/Women of Faith 2012 writing contest! I'm a top finalist, one out of 30 in the nation, out of 456 writers or so.. how incredibly amazing is that?! WOW!! I'm surprised and it's having a hard time settling in my brain. Thank You, God, for this wonderful gift! And you know what's great about this? It came at the perfect time, when I really feel like this is a confirmation that I am moving in the right direction and God has other, bigger plans for me than I may have thought a year ago. Last week was tough. Faced with thoughts and struggles that made me question what I was supposed to be doing and if I needed to keep moving forward.

And keep moving forward I will. Because it's the route God wants me to take.

Also today, I signed up to go to Nicaragua in September with Compassion International to visit a few Child Development Centers, and visit my sponsored child, Freddy! I've been wanting to go for a year and a half, but now feels like the right time, and I've been praying and wanting to be proactive. I've been a bit curious as to where the finances would come, but God's been shaping my heart that I knew that if I signed up to go, He would provide and help me take care of how I would pay. I'm smiling thinking about it, because when I went to register I put in the 20% discount code I received due to the generosity of Compassion and my being an advocate with them (and God's graciousness, of course), it all took my breath away--- and unbelievable that just like that, my Lord and Provider smiled down on me and gave me a gift and an answer right there and then. What an amazing testament to the beauty and care and provision of my Lord God!! Praise His name!!

So, this has been quite the day for me. Those two great things in one day- it's almost too much to believe! But, that's the great thing about my God- I believe in Him to be big, and He is happy to show me how big He truly is.

I love You, Lord. Thank you for such a beautiful blessing of a day!

To Such as These

To Such as These, originally uploaded by SeaScapes12.

But Jesus called the children to Him and said, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.”
-Luke 18:16

This is me.
I have a name, but it is not easy to remember or pronounce and the person to whom it is attached to holds no real value. Or so people tell me.
I am small. And the world around me is so big.
There are things I want.
To be comforted in the black pit of night. To raise my eyes and see sunlight streaming through my window, instead of waking to a smudged scene as dim to my heart as to my sight. To know if anything I do, any words I can stumble from my mouth, are worthy enough to catch praise. For my father to take notice. For my mother to smile with her heart. But my wants are met with a silence, cold and loud that speaks of my insignificance.
I am afraid to lift my eyes and meet the ones I long to light with love. But they look past me, a void between the brows, glazing as if I am not in the room. Or they are full of lead and heaviness, a dark pool of pain that turns on me. They are cruel. And all I can do is cower, hoping it won’t take long to extinguish.
Sometimes my stomach trembles for days, feeding off itself because I don’t remember the last time I had a meal. Or even a scrap to keep me scraping along. My tiny belly bloats, and a tiredness takes root inside me that makes playing even seem impossible. My mother wants to fill my hunger. You can see it in her waning eyes. But there are so many mouths to feed, and there is so little provision…
Maybe one day the tasks I do will help. Maybe one day all the hours at the market, begging with my flea-specked hands outstretched will bring a loaf of bread or basket of fruit, something to sustain us and give us hope. Maybe one day my arms will be strong and I can work the fields so my mother doesn’t have to. Maybe my father will come back and care for me, like he once promised to do so long ago.
For such a small heart, it sure sits heavy inside of me. I long to love and be loved back. I have so much to give. I have a bright, wide smile that rejoices in simple games and gentle gestures. If you were to slip your large, clean hand into my small and dusty one, you would find our fingers fit perfectly together. I’d like to crawl into your lap and delve into the depths of your care.
I want to be heard. I want to be seen. I want to be filled with an endless love, grace poured out to me like the river I bathe in.
Tonight, I’ll lay on the floor in the corner of my mud-caked hut, chilled by the cool earth and sleep a dreamless sleep. But it’s ok that I don’t dream. You get used to forgetting what once gave you hope. What you once looked forward to. Tonight I’ll trust that I survived another day. That I am alive. That has to count for something, small as my life may be. And if I wake into another day, I will rise and wander the streets again, looking for leftovers or tatters of clothes to sustain me and my family.
This is me. This is my life. Wanting to cling to someone who will look into my drooping eyes and tell me that I am worth something. Anything. I just long for a little bit to believe in.
Help me believe.

Prayer:
Jesus, help the children. Help the little ones who want, who wander lost, lonely and in despair. Help me to help heal them, however big or small my role may be. For Your kingdom belongs to such as these. Wrap them in Your comfort, let them feel the warmth of Your overflowing love. Hold onto them tightly, Lord. Amen.

***
Every day, thousands of children go to bed hungry, dirty, and afraid, full of desperation and a lingering loneliness. They look at the crumbling world around them, seeing no answers to the unasked questions they seek. Their families are grasping to keep together, battling unemployment, depression, and starvation. Sometimes, there is nowhere to sleep but on the ground, covered in dirt and garbage and a saturated hopelessness. They go to sleep wishing for a chance to survive, grow and live.
You have the chance to help. Through Compassion International, you can feed and clothe children, help them receive medical attention that can be deadly to them though they are easily treatable, and give them an education that builds up their hearts and heads to provide a new and hopeful life that they otherwise might never know. You can change the plight of these children. You can encourage them that their future is glowing brighter by the day. Whether it’s sponsoring a child for a mere $38 a month, donating to medical treatment, disaster relief or the unsponsored children, or offering to pray for their hearts and homes, you will be making a significant difference in the life of a child who lives in poverty.
It only takes one ripple to cause a tidal wave. It only takes one snowflake to start an avalanche.
It only takes one person to teach and live out the love of Jesus.
Please, consider changing the life of a child through Compassion International. What you give comes back tenfold and the greatest blessing is the joy blooming in you knowing a little boy or girl will have enough to eat, will be encouraged that their life is beautiful and worth so much, and that they receive the love of Christ to fully satisfy their craving heart.
Visit www.compassion.com for more information and various ways you can help, or send me a message. I’m more than happy to answer any questions you may have.
God bless you, and may you sincerely seek to help these broken, beautiful children.